I never intended to take a nine month blogging break. I thought I'd only be gone a month or two but then, when does life ever really go according to plan. If you've read any of my posts before, you'll know that I have chronic illness called ME. I've had it for seven years and it's been really tough on my family and I. It has taken an enormous toll on my mental wellbeing, so last December I decided to start therapy. I was really struggling with my anxiety and a whole load of other issues and I knew that therapy was my best option. I've experienced a lot of trauma since I was a child and I've been dissecting everything over the last several months with my therapist. It's been enlightening and wonderful, but it's also exhausting. So instead of worrying about my little space on the internet, I decided to focus on my recovery. Trying to balance everything is difficult enough, but add a chronic illness into the mix and it's just not possible. I want my blog to be a positive place for me. I want to enjoy the process and everything that comes with it.
Since April, we've also been renovating our family home. It's been such an incredible experience and my parents have really let me be involved in the whole process. I've loved doing something completely different and it's been a really interesting experience. I will be doing more posts on the renovation now it's all done and I've been doing updates on Instagram along the way too. It's been a massive project but one that I'm so proud of. I've gone from only leaving the house for appointments, to going out several times a week, meeting different people and looking at all things to do with interiors.
I've learnt a whole lot about myself in the last 8/9 months. And stepping back from my blog has helped that. That being said, I've really missed it. Every time I scroll through Instagram or Twitter and see other people's posts and photos, I feel a little tinge of sadness that I've not been able to create anything. I think part of my problem is that I always feel like I'm a beat behind and that I should be doing so much more. It's silly really because there's no one for me to answer to if I don't put a post up, if that makes sense. My blog is mine. There isn't anyone else in charge of it, so I don't know why I put that pressure on myself. I've always said to myself that it's not time for my blog to take off the way others' have because I wouldn't be able to make the most of those opportunities. My health wouldn't be able to keep up. I need to remind myself that it's ok if I don't have a huge following or I don't collaborate with brands as much as I'd love to. I have to do what's best for my health, and maybe the timing just wasn't right. I'm really hopeful that the timing is right now. I hope that I can slowly get back into a rhythm with this blog. I think what taking such a long break has shown me is that I ultimately do love it. I love trying out new products and writing about them. It's a simple as that. And I think as long as I have that passion, I'll be able to get my blog to where I want it.
So I'm going to start slow. I'm going to try and get a post up here once a week. And I'm going to try and post more on Instagram. I'm going to do my best not to put pressure on myself to do any more than I'm physically and mentally able to. It's hard to not feel like you're falling behind when you have a chronic illness, but I want to give myself the best shot at recovery. And maybe my best shot is to know my limits and actually live by them. Even if you don't have health problems, it's so important to listen to what your body and mind are telling you. You have to do what's best for you.
And on that serious note, I'm going to wrap it up here.
See you soon,
Avani
